I would like to share with you the message of Vanessa which she delivered at the Archdiocese Shrine of the Divine Mercy during a Mass for the victims of the sea tragedy: “When I first heard the news that a passenger ferry had sunk off the shores of Sibuyan Island, Romblon, my heart sank. I said a silent prayer and instantly knew that someway, somehow, I would be involved. Four years ago, I was one of the first civilian divers to inspect the wreck of the then burning ship, the SuperFerry 14. It was an experience I would never forget as I saw personal belongings of people scattered on the ocean floor. So when the Philippines Coast Guard (PCG) called for volunteers to assist them in the rescue operations of the MV Princess of the Stars, I, along with my sister, went without hesitation. As we landed at the Romblon airport, the first scene that I saw was three bodies being unloaded from an air force chopper. It would the first few of the many bodies we’d be seeing in the next few days. During our helicopter ride to Sibuyan, I asked God to keep us safe and give us the strength to be brave and face the difficult mission ahead. But looking back now, it is something that one truly cannot prepare for. When our rubber boat approached the wreck, the bloated body of a man lay face down in the water. Right away I thought to myself that he could have been someone’s father or husband. As we dove down below, a dark and eerie sight lay before us. As we peeped inside the wreck, we found clothes, personal belongings, and life vests scattered all around. As I flashed my lights on the windows above the dining room, palm prints were visible. Prints both big and small. The first question that came to mind was, “Why Lord did they have to die? Why this way?” I did not receive an answer. All I could do was trust that everything has a purpose, and in God’s time we will see the good that comes out of this. They say that some blessings come wrapped in pain. Pain is something many of us feel. For the families, it’s the pain losing a loved one, of not knowing where he or she is. For us divers, we experience the pain of seeing terror in the faces of those who perished and the feeling of frustration of not being able to do more for them. But even if we took risks to help retrieve the dead, it is something we had to do. When we were told about the dreaded Endosulfan in the water and that we could possibly be contaminated, I simply put my whole trust in the Lord. I knew that I together with all the other divers would be safe since we were there to do good. I truly felt that those who perished were watching over us and that they would see us through. No one knows why this had to happen. Only God knows. And as of the moment He is silent. But all we can do now is believe. Believe and trust in Him. I end with a message scribbled on the wall of a Nazi death camp: “I believe in the sun even if it does not shine. I believe in love even if I don’t feel it. And I believe in God even if He is silent.”
PEOPLE
By Bob Garon
Terror in the deep
Both my daughters, Vanessa and Alexandra, are divers. They volunteered to go to the site of the Princess of the Stars disaster and do what they could to help.
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When faced with a scary situation, pretend to be brave. It is amazing how “acting as if” can make you stronger than you think you are. We use this method to help troubled people get back on their feet. So, if you’re afraid of the dark, whistle a happy tune even as you move forward. ___ The less you watch television, the less you need it. I have been here at our rest house at Taal Lake. No TV and I truly don’t miss it. We think we need TV because we get ourselves into the habit of turning it on at certain times. When, however, there is no television around, you realize that you really don’t need it nearly as much as you thought you did. ___ The only way to start a difficult project is to start. That first step is the scariest and the most difficult. Surprisingly, once that initial step is made, a calm comes over you and you can feel most of your fear leave you. It’s like giving a speech. You might be so nervous before you go up on stage. Your stomach hurts and your knees might be shaking, but as soon as you start speaking, a relative calm comes over you and the fear is no more. Rarely are our fears justified. They always seem a whole lot worse than they truly are. Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy. When helping depressed people get back on track, I try to convince them to do something for others. It works for me. When I’m sad and feeling down, I look around for someone who is more down than I am. I set about to help that person and very quickly I find myself feeling good again. Maybe it’s because I’m busy focusing on his problem and that makes me feel good because I’m in a helping mode. It works for me every time. Try it and see for yourself. ___ Do not look at today as just another day. See it as a very special day that will bring with it some special blessings. Expect it to be a good day. It is amazing how our expectations can actually bring them about. Perhaps it is because when you expect something to happen, you unconsciously work to make it so, whether it be good or bad. Persons who expect bad things to happen to them experience just that— bad things. Somehow your expectations, whatever they are, silently push you in that direction. |
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When we decide something, we most often consider other possibilities, other options. We have a goal, an objective. But it is our decision to pursue that goal solid. Do you consider the possibility of failure? Do you have a plan B in mind, just in case things do not work out? When the Romans invaded the British Isles long ago, their commander knew something about making firm decisions. He lined up his army along the seashore and then ordered the ships the invaders had used to come ashore to be burned. By doing so, the general made it clear to his men that they had no option but to conquer. The only other option (death) was unacceptable. That Roman army did what they had to do: they won the British Isles. If only we approached our decision making in the same resolute manner, we would be a whole lot more successful in our endeavors. All to often, however, we decide without really deciding. We say we want this or that, but we are not very sure about what it is we truly want. We say one thing, but give ourselves so many options that we tend to lose focus. It is like the man who is courting three women at the same time. He cannot really focus on any one of them and has only superficial relationships with all of them. He is all over the place. Unlike the man who locks in on one woman and makes up his mind that she is the one and the only woman acceptable to him. And, once he has won her heart, he decides that there will be no other. Solid decision-making isn’t only about deciding. It is about deciding and never looking back. Distractions might begin to cloud the mind, but they are driven out for fear of losing one’s focus. The team that considers losing an option most likely will not give all. The winners have big signs in their locker rooms that say: believe. It is all about driving out any thoughts about not making it. Believing that you can do it goes a long way in actually doing it. Good coaches keep telling their players, “You can do it.” Smart parents who know some thing about success tell their children the same thing. They speak to their kids of success, of making it regardless of the obstacles. They condition their minds to not accepting defeat. This way, when their children decide, they remove all other options except success. |
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In the presence of a Great Man |
| by Violi Calvert* |
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Time is precious and there is so little of it, what with the myriad of things we need to do. How many times do we find ourselves and others say “how I wish there are more than 24 hours in a day”. But of course, there is no denying that He has devised a precise schedule; a perfect division of ‘time’ into day when we should be awake and night when we should be asleep. Then mankind messes it up. A great number of us, either because of necessity or by choice, work and play during the night and sleep during the day As the title of this piece suggests, this is not really about time and time management. However, this ‘shortage of time’ discourse has relevance. I have not been able to attend several events organised in the Filipino-Australian community with much of my time being spent on my job, trying to cope with demands at the home front and the endless chores, and doing whatever little bit that could be done for the community groups. For example, although I have been in Sydney since 1974, I have not attended a function at the Consul-General’s residence in Elizabeth Bay. Well, that is, not until recently when I happily accepted an invitation for a Friday evening event. I liked the thought that aside from the prospect of spending some time in an informal and social setting with “the people’s Consul-General”, the Hon Maria Theresa P. Lazaro and leaders of community organisations which are undertaking Read Philippines Project, we were to meet two Filipino writers who were attending the Sydney Writers Festival – Dr Jose Y Dalisay Jr and Dr Wendell Capili. In particular I was excited to meet Dr Jose Y Dalisay Jr who was to attend an Interactive Forum being hosted by the North Shore Filipino-Australian Association. As the Coordinator of Read Philippines Project in the Hornsby area, I was to have the distinct honour of introducing Dr Dalisay; hence, a copy of his curriculum vitae [CV] was emailed to me. After reading his CV, I was in awe of Dr Dalisay’s achievements. I was so eager to meet him that despite my earlier prouncement that time is precious, I found myself at least half hour early for the event. To those who may not know Dr Dalisay, let me share with you brief excerpts from his CV and I am sure you will be equally impressed. Dr Jose Dalisay Jr [“Butch Dalisay” to his readers of his “Penman” column in the Philippine Star] completed AB English [as Cum Laude – With Honours] in 1984 at the University of the Philippines, then Master of Fine Arts at the University of Michigan [1988] and PHD English as Fulbright-Hays scholar at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee [1991]. He teaches English and Creative Writing as full professor at the University of the Philippines. He has published 18 books of his stories, plays and essays; five of those received National Book Awards from the Manila Critics Circle. His achievements include 16 Palanca Awards in five genres. The Palanca Award is considered to be the most prestigious and most enduring literary awards, and is referred to as the ‘Pulitzer Prize’ of the Philippines. He was entered in the Palanca Hall of Fame in 2000. He has written the screenplay for 12 movies which had earned him various awards. There are many more achievements but I will force myself to stop here. It was after a glass of white and a couple of spring rolls, when the evening guests arrived. What struck me most when they were introduced around is that both of them were soft-spoken, warm, unassuming and very approachable. When I mentioned to Dr Dalisay that three of my university friends were sending their regards, he enthusiastically acknowledged knowing them and said that they go back from before the Martial Law era. Then our conversation felt like I also have known him for a long time. It turned out that I happily [and felt privileged] would spend more of my time with Dr Dalisay in the two days following my ‘maiden’ attendance at the Con-Gen’s residence. On Saturday, we had Dr Dalisay at the Interactive Forum. Not only did he enthral the audience with bits from his novels but also answered questions in a very informative and yet down-to-earth manner. At the close of his talk, he donated to Read Philippines a signed copy of his novel “Soledad’s Sister” which was shortlisted for the inaugural Man Asian Literary Prize given out in Hong Kong in 2007. After the Forum, Rachel Stafford-Gaffney [President, North Shore Filipino-Australian Association] and I had the privilege of extra time with him when we gave him a lift back to his harbour side hotel in Walsh Bay. The following day, Rachel [and her husband Nick] and I attended the session at the Sydney Writers Festival wherein Dr Dalisay was part of the Panel with Junot Diaz, 2008 Pulitzer Prize winner. We felt so proud listening to his masterful way of tackling the questions posed to him, taking the audience with him back to where he grew up and sharing his experience in jail during Martial Law in the Philippines. With apologies to Dr Dalisay, I wish to share with you an excerpt from the email he sent to Rachel and me that evening. The email titled “my deepest thanks” went on to say “your presence at my event this afternoon was very important to a visiting Filipino writer like me. It made me feel like a member of a much larger community, and I felt proud and not inferior to anyone.” I wondered how a person with numerous achievements could even think he could be inferior to anybody. For me, this is another testimony that great people are humble. How I wished I had more time with this great man. And reflecting on my encounter of a beautiful kind with someone who has achieved so much not just for himself but for his country and yet has great humility, I got reminded that it had been written: He who exalts himself shall be humbled and he who humbles himself shall be exalted. |
 Violi Calvert, Dr Jose Dalisay Jr, Consul General Ma. Theresa P. Lazaro, Rachel Stafford-Gaffney |
 Dr Dalisay signing a copy of his other book “Killing Time in a Warm Place”. |
Reflections on Life and Ageing (continuation...part 1 below)
- By Violi Calvert
After three years being away from my country of birth, I went back to visit my family and friends. One of the first things I did was attend mass on the Sunday. It could be said that the things that distracted me during my ‘rebellious’ years were still there, but they no longer mattered. With my stronger Faith, they did not “get in the way” of praying during the sacrament of the Eucharist. In fact, I felt the presence of our Maker as I joined in singing the hymns in our native language. It took me a longer road to get there; whereas my family and friends who stayed, all along had this great spiritual bond with Him. They rose above the challenges of man-created created ceremonies and all are involved in fantastic evangelical work in the community.
They are also all successful in their chosen field or profession, and most likely earn much more livelihood than me. They did not even have to leave their country of birth to achieve that. I guess that is life. Sometimes we need to travel different roads. The important thing is that we all reach the same destination as what our Faith promises, to be with our Maker one day. It is also great to note that our friendship and support for each other transcend time and distance.
I accept what Fate has given me and believe that things were meant to happen the way they did. I am grateful for the loving families and friends, and blessings that both my birth country and adoptive country have given me.
oo00oo
* Violi Calvert is NSFA’s Immediate Past President, current Consultant and one of the founding officers of NSFA; and Coordinator, Read Philippines Project Hornsby Area.
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Reflections on Life and Aging |
| By Violi Calvert |
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When I was young, I thought that past twenty years is "old". Then I got to that point in life and much to my pleasant surprise, I did not feel "old". Alongside doing studies, holding a job and undertaking projects in the university's Student Government and other groups, I had fun time with my high school and university friends. Then in my mid-20's, I had a huge change of social, cultural, economic and political landscape by migrating to Australia. There were two main factors for me to leave my family, friends and my birth country. I needed better livelihood to help the family keep my father pain-free from the ravages of cancer. Secondly, it was to escape the suffocating atmosphere of Martial Law. In a lot of ways, I could say that I achieved the two primary objectives of leaving home. I must mention though, that sadly my father passed away only after two months of my arrival in Australia. What I did not foresee as another good result of migrating was the strengthening of my Christian faith and gaining a greater consciousness of my relationship with God. Previously, I was a "fallen Catholic". Despite my mother's constant admonition, I stopped going to church. I reasoned out that I could pray and speak with my God more solemnly anytime and anywhere, but not in church. I found that rather than being able to pray, I rebelled at seeing the gap between the rich and the poor. Contrary to the Church's teaching that all men are equal, there were varying classes and corresponding fees for baptism, confirmation, wedding and maybe even funeral masses. For example, on Palm Sunday, the "haves" waved large palm arrangement with floral and other decoration and the "have-nots" had cuttings from their or the neighbour's palm tree. One of the mechanisms I adopted to cope with homesickness was to go to church. Slowly I learned to appreciate that despite the congregation being made up of people of various cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, there were no differences on the celebration of the sacraments and related worship practices. The defining moment for me was on a Palm Sunday, a box of palm cuttings at the church's entrance was available for people to help themselves. I realised that all the 'reasons' for me to avoid going to church were no longer relevant. Over time, I felt 'reconciled' with God. This in turn inspired me to become more involved in community organisations which undertake activities which are 'witnessing' the teachings of Christ. Maybe with my involvement with the community activities, family and work demands, alongside doing more studies, I did not notice or maybe I did not mind getting "old". In fact, I am looking forward to the time that I will have grandchildren. I am not saying that life has been perfect. Every time there were challenges and sad moments, I remember our Blessed Mother who had to bear the pain of watching her Son being tortured and dying on the Cross. And reminding myself that Christ suffered to prepare a place for us in the House of our Lord and praying, I get the strength and comfort to keep going and not be afraid to grow old. In closing, I wish to share with you excerpts of a poem which beautifully captures the sentiments about aging. Old Age, I decided, is a gift I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonise over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it). *Violi is the Media and Public Relations Officer of the Australian Handball Federation. She is proud to announce that the Australian Men's Team recently won the Oceania Region Handball World Championship Qualifier. This entitles the Australian Team to participate in the World Championship to be held in Croatia in January 2009. Go Aussies! |
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| Violi as a small child |
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| Violi at Women’s Handball World Championship in France 2007 |
Start shooting and ask questions later - Bob Garon
WHEN problems arise in your relationship, there is the tendency to draw your gun, start shooting and ask questions later. The gun is the mouth and the bullets the hurting words that are spoken in anger.
There is something in all of us that pushes us to shoot from the hip when we are irritated or when we feel we have been dealt with unfairly. Maybe it is past experiences that are the triggers that cause us to explode. Perhaps it is the feeling that we are being put down by the one we love. Usually though, we sense the need to defend ourselves because we perceive we are being attacked.
More often than not, we are being attacked. And by the one we love and who claims to love us. It’s all so hurting, so we follow our natural tendency to hurt right back.
In so doing, however, we get into verbal brawls that tend to escalate into battles and wars that nobody wins. Every conflict hurts even if sometimes it helps to clear up a problem. Every angry word pierces the heart of the beloved and leaves a scar.
There are those who insist that conflict is good and necessary to right some wrongs and deal with increasingly desperate situations. I personally have advocated this, but only in situations that have gotten out of control.
It is always better to resolve conflict and difficult situations by being as careful as possible not to hurt unnecessarily. Like the competent physician who is exceedingly careful not to cause pain even as he deals with the physical ailment.
When you attack your beloved, you invite a counterattack. When you fire the first shot, you can expect return fire. Even if people know somebody will get hurt in a gunfight, you wonder why they start the fight in the first place.
Usually it is because of loss of control. People simply react instinctively to attack. It’s almost a knee-jerk reaction. We do not think. We just react, then think later after we survey the damage. Then we feel guilty, and remorseful. So we put down our gun and say sorry to our bleeding loved one.
If only we can learn patience. If only we can hold our fire and wait till our temper cools. If only we can choose the right time and place to gently talk to the one we love and are committed to, then we would prevent a lot of emotional bloodletting and unnecessary carnage.
If we can allow some time to pass before responding to the beloved, chances are both of us will be more composed and more apt to engage in a fruitful dialogue. Your loved one will be more disposed to listening if you speak gently and in the way friends do.
If you can accept that you are some part of the problem instead of dumping everything on your beloved, then you will greatly improve the odds of your partner doing likewise and accepting faults and mistakes too with grace and composure.
When speaking to your loved one, you must always keep in mind that he/she is precisely that: your beloved. If you can do that, you will be more patient.
Woes of a drug addict
- Bob GaronOne of the obstacles to the rehabilitation of the drug addict is the lack of desire. By the time the addict gets into serious drug use, drugs have become an integral part of his life. In fact, he has built a whole new lifestyle around his drugs.
His focus is on getting enough drugs to satisfy his cravings, his addiction. He loses his desire to do much of anything else. He drops out of the normal kind of living that you and I are into. Most often he stops working if he can afford to or if his family continues to support him. He no longer cares to strive to better himself. In fact, even as he feels himself sinking deeper into addiction, he feels helpless to prevent the downward spiral of his life.
He is more comfortable with his drug using friends than he is with straight people. Crazy and self-destructive as his lifestyle might be, it is what he has come to be accustomed to and feel at ease in.
Sure, there are moments where his conscience bothers him and prods him to change his ways, but the effort needed to do so and the prospect of giving up his pleasures quickly silence the feeble voice of his conscience.
Consequently, the Filipino addict will almost always have to be forced into rehab. Rare is the addict who walks into a rehab center and says “I need help, please take me in. “Families have to compel the addict to change. Or, the courts will give him the choice: jail or rehab.
The addict who arrives in the rehab center doesn’t want to be there. The challenge of the rehabilitation therapist is to motivate the addict to want to change. This is no small task. You might think that addicts are easy to convince. Wrong! they cling like glue to their ways.
This was made abundantly clear the other day when I held a session with my Nazareth House residents. I asked them to tell me what was more difficult for them to give up, their drugs or their lifestyle.
It was unanimous. Every single one said that giving up their lifestyle was far more difficult than surrendering their drugs.
I asked them to try to quantify the differences. All said that changing their lifestyle was 70, 80 and 90 percent of the total difficulty factor. Abandoning their drugs accounts for only 10, 20 or 30 percent difficulty.
That might come as a surprise to you. It shouldn’t if you look at what they are up against. Many have never worked a day in their lives. Most who did work have become dysfunctional. Their drug taking has caused them to drop out of mainstream society. Going back to the normal life you and I live is scary to them. Having to go back to school, back to working an 8 hr. day is a great challenge to them.
This is why the first phase of rehab is all about getting the addict to want to change. There is great resistance to change even if he follows the routines of the house. He goes through the motions even if in his head and heart, he still clings to his old ways.
If we are successful, that will change. Remember that addicts think that the straight lifestyle is exceedingly boring. They also find the straight lifestyle to be very stressful compared to the easy going, irresponsible, pleasure centered lifestyle of the addict. Convincing them otherwise and getting them to abandon their old ways for a new, uncomfortable lifestyle is no easy matter. Still, it is essential if the addict is to get well.
What makes a delinquent?
- Bob GaronWhat makes a sweet child grow up to become a juvenile delinquent? Newborn babies are innocent and pure. What causes them to become out of control youngsters that their parents have a difficult time recognizing? How can such a good little angel grow horns?
The answer can obviously be found in the upbringing. I want to make it very clear from the outset that I am convinced that no parent intentionally raises a child to become delinquent. That is unthinkable. There can be no doubt, however, that we parents do make mistakes in raising our children. Honest and sincere mistakes to be sure, but mistakes nonetheless. And some of these mistakes can and do contribute to the delinquency of a child.
Let me share with you some of the mistakes that parents make that cause problems later on. The first is to allow a child to have his way. Little children are naturally selfish. They are self-centered because they have not yet learned to give. They are takers. We see it all the time. They don’t want to share their toys. They insist and scream and cry when their demands are not met. They want what they want, when they want it. And almost always, they want it now.
Well, that isn’t a good formula for success later on. Life is not a oneway street. Though the parents might give in to every whim of a child, society will not when the child grows up. Children who get used to having their way at home learn to expect the same privileged treatment from the rest of the world. And when that doesn’t happen, they rebel. They might even become aggressive and insistent to get their way, so used are they to having it at home.
Parents who give in to their kids excessively are conditioning their children to feel entitled to get what they want. Later on, when they interact with other children, they will be seen as selfish and self-centered and will have problems with interpersonal relationships.
Little ones should be taught early on that they must share and give to others and not to have things always go their way.
I can never forget the words of a convicted rapist on death row (he was executed): “If my mother had not given me everything I wanted, I wouldn’t be here.”
Bar topnotcher studied 6 1/2 days a week, 7 to 9 hours a day
By WILLARD CHENG
Mercedita "Menchie" Ona chose not to go to the Supreme Court in Padre Faura to check the results of the bar examinations herself. She instead spent two hours in a church near their village in Quezon City. "Kinakabahan kasi talaga ako," 27 year-old Ateneo Law graduate told ABS-CBN News in her first television interview after landing at the top of the bar exams.
But the results did not come as expected at lunch time Saturday. And her agony of waiting had to be extended for another four hours as the Supreme Court postponed the release of the results until 4 pm.
At home, she finally received a text message from a friend with her name written ahead of nine other examinees. "Akala ko alphabetical list of successful bar examinees. Nag-reply lang ako ng thank you. Then, she called, 'that's the top ten na.' Sabi ko, 'Ha talaga? Hindi pa ako makapaniwala. She gave me a caveat. Sabi niya that's from certain school so hindi pa siya official."
Mercedita "Menchie" Ona, 27 year-old Ateno Law graduate, 2007 bar exams topnotcher
"It can happen pala"
Menchie dismissed the text until another batchmate who was at the Supreme Court called her, congratulating her for topping the bar.
"Doon na ako naniwala, dahil lumabas na," Menchie said, "Umiyak na ako tapos umiyak na rin sila tapos sigaw ng sigaw," referring to her siblings at home watching the news from television. Her older sister, Rowena who is a medical doctor, described best the euphoria that everyone felt, "Sa sobrang saya, feeling ko ako ‘yong nag-top ng bar."
Menchie said she was only hoping to pass the bar, possibly land in the top ten, but not top it. The exams, she said, was difficult enough for her not to be too optimistic.
"Sobrang sarap ng feeling, actually I cannot describe it. Parang lumulutang pa rin kanina. Sabi ko, 'Ay it can happen pala.' It is possible na mag-top ako ng bar."
Menchie is one of the four Ateneans who landed in the top ten. Two others, third-placer Yvanna Maalat and seventh-placer Cecille Mejia, are from Ateneo de Manila, and one, ninth-placer Ruby Luy, is from Ateneo de Davao.
Menchie with ABS-CBN reporter Willard Cheng in her first television interview after topping the bar
Only half days on Saturdays to relax
To prepare for the bar, Menchie studied for "six and half days a week" from March last year (after graduating from law school) to September (the month she took the exams).
"That's Monday to Friday, Saturday is half day, then Sunday again. I had a stop watch, dapat at least seven to nine hours a day 'yong pag aaral." Half days on Saturdays meant she could relax by going out with her boyfriend Carlo or watching movies with her family. (Incidentally, Carlo has a brother who also passed the bar this year).
But while studying for the bar, she had to battle her recurring migraine. To manage it, she had to prevent herself from getting hungry. "Talaga dapat i-manage 'yung stress. Once nag-attack ‘yong migraine tuloy-tuloy na siya. The whole day hindi na ako makakaaral, even the next day. I have to eat every three hours dahil bawal magutom kapag may migraine."
Novena in all churches
One time, she dreamt a certain Merceditas Ona passed the bar although with a different initial. "Iniisip ko na lang na dreams daw kabaligtaran. So papasa ako, yun na lang iniisip ko. Sabi ng Mommy ko pag may pangit kang dream, huwag mo ikuwento. So, hindi ko kinuwento. Ngayon ko lang kinuwento."
Associate then maybe partner someday
Menchie graduated third overall in her batch in Ateneo Law School. She was an honor student since elementary, graduating cum laude in the University of the Philippines with the course of Business Administration and Accountancy. Menchie is also a certified public accountant. Menchie reveals she applied to study law in UP but she was not accepted. She found a home instead at the Ateneo Law School.
Menchie credits having a strong support group as also a key ingredient in her success. She thanks God, her parents, eight siblings, her boyfriend Carlo and her friends, especially classmates from her Ateneo Law 4-B class.
Proud parents
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| Rodolfo, a frustrated lawyer, and Evelyn, proud parents of Menchie |
Menchie's mother, Evelyn, says her elder daughters never depended on a tutor. Menchie found self-studying more effective. This way, she worked according to her pace. Menchie's father, Rodolfo, says they never put pressure on their children. The family is supportive of Menchie's decision to pursue law.
Parents Rodolfo and Evelyn described Menchie's latest feat as a "pleasant surprise," beyond an answered prayer. Mother Evelyn particularly prayed for her daughter to land in the top ten.
Rodolfo was in San Jose, Batangas tending to his farm business when he received the news. He would not believe it when first reached by his wife. He finally got the confirmation from a published news report in the Internet. Rodolfo describes himself as a "frustrated lawyer," having studied law for two years at the Lyceum but had to stop.
With her daughter not only becoming a lawyer herself but also topping what is considered as the toughest licensure examinations in the country, Rodolfo could not describe how proud he is of Menchie. "Hindi ko ma-measure kung gaano ako ka proud bilang father ni Mercedita. Hindi ko ma-express ang feeling ko na sobrang saya dahil yung dati nag-aspire din akong maging lawyer. Ngayon siya na ang nagtupad. Natupad na rin ang pangarap ko kahit di sa sarili ko, sa anak ko na lang."
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| Menchie is the second among nine siblings, seen here with father Rodolfo and mother Evelyn on the night after the bar exam results were released |
After learning of the good news, Rodolfo immediately left for Manila to join and share his happiness with Menchie and the family.
Tears welled up in the eyes of Menchie's mother Evelyn when asked how she felt after receiving the news. "Labis labis ang pasasalamat ko sa Diyos na top one siya, Talagang napakasaya namin. Sobrang saya hindi maipaliwanang. I am very proud, We are very proud, kaming buong pamilya
(pasted from: http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/storypage.aspx?StoryId=113473 )
Addiction can cause severe brain damage - By Bob Garon
You have perhaps read a lot about drug addiction, but you might not know that new information about the damage done to addicts is being made public all the time.
For example, new findings from researchers state that “drug addiction harms the addict physically, psychologically, spiritually and/or socially. It is now possible to visualize areas of damage to the brain from many abused substances. The use of ecstasy, for example, has been shown to cause chronic defects in the brain with long-lasting impairment of the mental functions. Family members and significant others are severely affected and hurt by the addiction.”
The reason why it is so difficult to treat drug addicts is because many of them truly suffer from damage to the brain. All abused drugs eventually go to the brain where the high is experienced. Drugs are chemicals and chemicals can have very toxic effects on the brain. We now know that drug abuse and addiction lead to long-term changes in the brain. These changes cause addicted drug users to lose the ability to control their drug use. The truth is that drug addiction is a disease. A disease that is complicated to treat when the addict has been abusing his drugs for a while.
For this reason, parents make a potentially deadly mistake when they take lightly the drug use of their children. Many parents wait, hope and pray that their children will outgrow their habit (addiction). Some do stop, but those who do not proceed to sink deeper and deeper into addiction.
Besides falling grades, dropping out of school, stealing, disrespectful behavior, fighting and many other misbehaviors, these youngsters continue to suffer brain damage, some of which can have long-term negative effects. Some studies indicate that certain drugs taken in substantial amounts can even cause permanent changes in parts of the brain.
What I’m saying is that parents who disregard the signs of drug usage are taking a dangerous risk of exposing their loved ones to severe damage not just to the spiritual and psychological makeup of their loved ones, but even to that vital organ, the brain.
SAYING GOODBYE - Bob Garon (10/03/08)
A Good friend of mine, Pinggoy Mañosa, sent me a beautiful and deeply moving e-mail which I feel I must share with you. It is the farewell letter of the Noble Prize winner for literature, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who at the time of its writing, was dying of terminal cancer. It was his way of saying goodbye to his friends.
I think if you are blessed with time before you die, writing a farewell note to those you love is a thoughtful gesture. After all, how many of us feel bad, with even a vague sense of being abandoned when someone we love and admire dies without saying goodbye? The words of a dying man are somehow more valued because the dying have good reason to tell the truth and we can therefore better believe what they say. Anyway, below is the farewell letter of Marquez:
If God, for a second, forgot what I have become Hot Zone Documentary, Child Bride In Afghanistan, Kevin Sites met a 12-year-old girl named Gulsoma, whose incredible story of resilience resonated with millions of people worldwide. She was only six years old when she was sold to a neighbor family in Kandahar as a child bride. For years she was treated no better than an animal and beaten severely. Her body was covered in scars — except for her face, left untouched as a way of hiding her mistreatment. Gulsoma finally escaped after a beating that nearly killed her. She found sanctuary in an orphanage and her tormentors were brought to justice. Despite all she's been through, she bears no bitterness or hatred, teaching us that the world may indeed be full of pain and suffering, but also amazing human beings like her, who triumph over it every day. (pasted from: http://hotzone.yahoo.com/b/hotzone/blogs61958 )
and granted me a little bit more of life,
I would use it to the best of my ability.
I wouldn't, possibly, say everything that is in my mind,
but I would be more thoughtful of all I say.
I would give merit to things not for what they are worth,
but for what they mean to express.
I would sleep little, I would dream more,
because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes,
we waste 60 seconds of light.
I would walk while others stop;
I would awake while others sleep.
If God would give me a little bit more of life,
I would dress in a simple manner,
I would place myself in front of the sun,
leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy.
To all men, I would say how mistaken they are
when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old,
without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love.
I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them
to learn how to fly by themselves.
To old people, I would say that death doesn't arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness.
I have learned so much with you all,
I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain,
without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken and the form used to reach the top of the hill.
I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand,
his father's finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life.
I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground.
Say always what you feel, not what you think.
If I knew that today is the last time that that I am going to see you asleep,
I would hug you with all my strength
and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul.
If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say 'I love you'.
There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you and that I will never forget you.
Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old.
Today could be the last time to see your loved ones,
which is why you mustn't wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives.
I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.
Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears
and to their faces how much you need them and love them.
Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them 'I am sorry", '' forgive me", "please", "thank you", and all those loving words you know.
Nobody will know you for your secret thought.
Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them.
Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.
Send this letter to those you love.
If you don't do it today...tomorrow will be like yesterday,
and if you never do it, it doesn't matter either, the moment to do it is now.
For you,
with much love,
your friend,
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
| National (as of 3/7/2008 11:20 AM) |
 Terrorists spreading more 'gospel of hate' on Internet By DAVID DIZON Terrorists linked to the al-Qaeda network are increasingly turning to the Internet to spread propaganda against their enemies and convince sympathizers to join their cause, a security forum in Manila was told Thursday. Diane Russel Ong Junio, an analyst with the newly-launched Philippine Institute for Political Violence and Terrorism Research, said that in the past couple of years, al-Qaeda-funded terrorists have increased the output of videos and other propaganda material on the Internet. She spoke at the two-day Protect 2008 conference in Manila, which discussed security measures for business and government from the latest threats to global terrorism. Junio said the al-Qaeda network is using the AS Sahab Foundation for Islamic Media Publication as its production arm to spread messages from al-Qaeda founder and leader Osama bin Laden. She said the videos are usually filmed in remote locations, then transported for processing and uploading on online forums and even popular video-sharing sites such as YouTube. "In the past, al-Qaeda used dead-drop method to spread their videos.This means that a video will be left at a specific location, which will then be picked up by a media contact. Now, with the use of the Internet, any al-Qaeda cell can upload a video anywhere in the world, which can then be seen by other groups and their sympathizers," Junio said. Junio said use of the World Wide Web to spread terrorist propaganda poses many advantages for al-Qaeda: it is easy to access, has little government control, is low cost, ensures anonymity, has global reach, and accommodates different media platforms, including audio and video messages.
RECRUITMENT THRU INTERNET She said that aside from spreading propaganda, terrorists have been using the Internet to recruit members, raise funds, and gather intelligence on the United States government and its allies, including the Philippines. Last year, a report by the Search for International Terrorist Entries (SITE) research group said the Abu Sayyaf terror group has been producing videos to raise funds and gather support for its followers in the Philippines. One video, titled "The Filipino Lions are Coming", featured speeches from two former Abu Sayyaf leaders, founder Abdul Raziq Abu Bakr Janjalani and Khadaffy Janjalani, and footage of its training. In the video, the Abu Sayyaf leaders claimed the group does not commit militant acts for personal or political gain, but does so only in the name of Islam and jihad. The 62-minute video also urged Muslims to contribute support, both financial and material, to Abu Sayyaf. NON-STOP RADICALIZATION Junio said the spread of terrorist propaganda on the Internet has given rise to a new threat -- that of continuous radicalization of sympathizers and would-be members of terrorist groups. She said one way that al-Qaeda operatives use the Internet to communicate is to open a shared e-mail account on Yahoo! or Gmail. "The terror cells share one user-account and share the password. What they do is they write messages but do not send them. Instead, they save the messages in the drafts folder of the e-mail account, which can then be read by the other operatives," she said. Cynthia Mamon, managing director of the local subsidiary of US IT vendor Sun Microsystems, said that terror groups could also use online banking to move funds and provide financial resources to terror cells all over the world. The al-Qaeda terrorist network has links with various militant groups including the Jemaah Islamiyah and the Abu Sayyaf, which operates in the southern part of the Philippines. |
Premarital sex: No big deal? - By Bob Garon
We live in a time where the rapid advances in communications is changing our world and making it into a global village. The Internet especially is coming into our homes and spreading all kinds of ideas, some of them good, others very unhealthy. And there is little we can do about it except to pay closer attention to our children and help them navigate through the maze of concepts and information that threatens to overwhelm them.
Recent studies have confirmed what we elders have suspected all along. That is that premarital sex is on the rise. More than that, it seems that our young people see sex as part of dating, something that will inevitably happen. There is a thinking out there that causal sex does little or no harm to a relationship. In fact, they believe that it will enhance it. It has gotten to the point where there is little distinction between love and sex. In fact, I have heard many young ones tell me that “love is sex and sex is love.” The two are interchangeable.
I, of course, have to strongly disagree. I do so not so much on moral grounds because morality is a subjective matter. Society has its norms which determine what is and what isn’t acceptable. And what is clear is that there is mounting confusion about those norms because of the influx of ideas from around the world.
In the old days, society was tightly knit. A village was isolated and the rules of behavior were clearly defined. Break them and you paid the price. Not so today when rules are increasingly being challenged by more and more people. This allows much more room to roam without being censured. The lines drawn between the acceptable and the scandalous are becoming blurred.
Premarital sex is one of those issues that has lost much of what I call its scandal power. People don’t get terribly upset over it anymore. Unlike years ago when people would get shocked when they heard about it, nowadays we hardly bat an eyelash. It comes to the point where we expect it to happen and hardly disapprove of it.
Customs and society’s values are in a constantly changing. In our global village, however, the changes are more rapid than ever in the history of mankind. And there is little we can do to stop them. Rather, we need to carefully consider what is healthy and what isn’t and then make educated choice.
(pasted from: http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2008/mar/03/yehey/life/20080303lif2.html)
YOUNG LOVE
The adolescent and teen years are perhaps the most difficult time in the life of both men and women. They are also the most critical. It is during this time when decisions and the consequences of behavior have the greatest impact on one’s future. In short, these years are crucial in determining the level of happiness a person will have for the rest of his or her life.
It is a time of intense learning how to deal with life. Social skills become vital to successful functioning. Attitudes and behavior towards the opposite sex emerge. Values taught by parents are reviewed and accepted, modified or rejected outright.
It is a time of preparation to enter into the world of adults. A period of transition that is necessarily confusing and full of turmoil. It is a time for making it in school or giving up on academics and paying the price for the rest of one’s life.
It is also a time for loving the opposite sex. A time for feeling great personal need to be loved. A time of sexual arousal. A time when acceptance of one’s peers is almost as important as life itself.
It is also a time when the youngster needs all the advice he can get. It is, however, a time when he is not inclined to listen very well to advice from his elders even as he values the counsel of his peers.
Let me focus on just one dimension of this crucial moment in a youngster life. I refer to the need to love and be loved by the opposite sex.
This need arises almost literally overnight. Suddenly, before he knows what hit him, there is a great interest in the opposite sex. Whereas, before boys and girls hardly liked each other, now they become obsessed with each other. Always to the point of distraction and sometimes to the level of obsession. And they plunge into relationships with a fury. Rarely solid, lasting and meaningful relationships. Almost always their relationships break up because they don’t have what it takes to carry them to higher levels of loving. (There are countless levels of love.)
All too often, their forays into love end up in unmitigated disasters. Early and ill-advised sex, deep emotional wounds and loss of self-esteem stemming from rejection, unwanted pregnancies, conflict with parents, loss of interest in academics, and a host of other troubles are all possible traps that await the unsuspecting teener who cannot manage his/her need to love and be loved.
This is why adolescents and teenagers need guidance so badly. Without help and solid advice, things can easily get out of hand.
A major problem that most adolescents feel is intense dissatisfaction with themselves. They therefore focus on filling that vacuum and finding ways to satisfy what seems to be lacking in their lives.
The first mistake he commits is to look at love as a way of GETTING what he needs. He doesn’t see love as giving. For him it becomes more a matter of getting. This is why the first experiences at loving almost always end quickly and badly. When two youngsters are fiercely trying to get instead of giving, the consequences are predetermined. Before you can say I love you there is conflict and dissatisfaction as both parties see each other as grasping and unwilling to give when the chips are down. When getting takes priority over giving, that relationship is doomed from the very start.
Young people who are not taught how to love have to learn by trial and error. Some learn while others never do and go through life wondering why they are so unlucky in love. Luck has little to do with it. It’s just that they have never learned.
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Thursday, February 14, 2008 (Manila Times) |
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There are a number of common factors that cause a marriage to get into trouble. It always begins with an infection of some kind, a virus that silently creeps into the relationship and starts to eat away at it. Unless the problem is identified and attended to, the infection spreads and causes other illnesses. As the complications multiply the chances of saving the marriage grow dimmer. Let’s not talk here about dead relationships. Resurrecting them is next to impossible. I refer to those relationships that have a fighting chance to survive if action is taken by two sincere persons. It isn’t enough that only one wants to bring about healing. No matter how much one wants it, if the other party does not share the same interest in fixing things up the prognosis is not very good. Let’s start at the beginning. The courtship of two people madly in love is marked by a measure of desperation. Every lover badly wants the beloved. His words and actions prove it. The guy is falling all over himself to get her. He might give up smoking; he goes to church again and waits for her in the rain, etc., all things he might not ordinarily do. That is why she is so impressed and responds with deep love of her own. Now, she too wants him more than anything else in the world. She does all kinds of things to prove to him that she is truly his best bet for a lifetime of happiness. After the wedding, however, it often happens that an infection sets in. She is thinking “I gotcha. Now that you’re mine, I can relax and focus on some other important matters.” Courtship can be so intense, so all-consuming that lovers have little time for anything else. Perhaps that is why young married people feel they owe themselves a break to look after themselves. After all, courtship is a time to focus on the beloved in order to convince her to get that altar date. All efforts, the usual and the unusual, are made. Though it can be an exhilarating experience and exceedingly gratifying experience, it can also be emotionally exhausting. Especially for those persons who are not used to doing the things they felt compelled to do while courting. Now the lovers settle down. Many of the realities that come with living together make their appearance. Jobs, financial troubles, babies, in-laws, irritations that were never before present; all these and countless other stressful surprises surface. And they draw attention away from the beloved. Worse, they may focus on the negatives and distract from the beloved’s positives, those traits and characteristics and values that were so endearing not so long ago. It should come, then, as no surprise if the adjustment period and beyond are difficult for some and troubling for others. If you look at the realities beyond the glitz of the wedding, it becomes clear that the couple will need all the help they can get to focus on each other and not get tired and end up neglecting their love. |
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008 Manila times |
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Again, Og Mandino: “I will live this day as if it is my last. The cluster of today I shall fulfill today. Today I shall hold my children while they are young; tomorrow they will be gone, and so will I. Today, I shall embrace my woman with sweet kisses; tomorrow she will be gone, and so will I. Today I shall lift up a friend in need; tomorrow he will no longer cry for help, nor will I hear his cries. Today, I shall give myself in sacrifice and work; tomorrow I will have nothing to give, and there will be none to receive. “I will live this day as if it is my last. And if it is my last, it will be my greatest monument. This day I will make the best day of my life. This day I will drink every minute to its full. I will savor its taste and give thanks. I will make every hour count and each minute I will trade only for something of value. Each minute of today will be more fruitful than hours of yesterday. My last must be my best. “I will live this day as if it is my last. And if it is not, I shall fall on my knees and give thanks.” Perhaps we are not as eloquent as Og Mandino, but we too can celebrate life in our simple ways. We cannot be totally focused on life and its meaning because we need to busy ourselves with those many needs of everyday life. We can, however, take time every once in a while and reflect on the way we live life. Is it meaningful and purposeful? Are we givers or are we takers? Is our world just a bit better because of us? Are our priorities in right order? It is truly amazing how these moments of sincere reflection can get us back on track if we have strayed. Another lesson we can learn when we appreciate life is that nothing is more precious than the ones we love. Too often we take them for granted. We do not love them as they deserve. Because we know we are secure in their love, we tend to be neglectful and sometimes insensitive to them. Reflecting on the true meaning of life can keep us walking the talk.
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